To those of you who normally read my blogs, you probably think he's the worst person in the world, or second worse and put me first. But you have it wrong. You think he's so horrible cause he's done you wrong, you focus too much at that picture and miss everything else. He's a good person and is an honorable man. Helps those he can and always friendly to those he can't. He's changed over the years. Hell, I remember when I was a little kid and go to his work with him. He was an ass, would yell and scream at waiters for writing an order a bit messed up. Thankfully, he's grown more mellow.
There was once a very honorable man, who saved thousands of people's lives, yet had a problem in his relationship too. His name was Oskar Schindler. Here's a bit of what his wife once said of him:
"In spite of his flaws, Oskar had a big heart and was always ready to help whoever was in need. He was affable, kind, extremely generous and charitable, but at the same time, not mature at all. He constantly lied and deceived me, and later returned feeling sorry, like a boy caught in mischief, asking to be forgiven one more time—and then we would start all over again"
I'm not saying that my father has saved thousands, but he has enriched dozens of peoples' lives and created hundreds of smiles and good memories. Even to those of you reading this and don't particularly like him for the wrong things he's done. Can't you look back and cherish the good times? Or have they all been erased by the bad? At the end of the road, all you have are memories, do you really wish to just carry the bad with you everywhere?
As for me, I have tons of bad memories of my father as well. He wasn't around when I was a child, worked too much, abandoned me for years, and left me in a bad situation with my brother and mom that I never really got along with as much as my father. Yet, I choose not to look at these things and mark him for the man he is by the bad things he's done. I look at my father for the good. When I was a little girl and went to work with him sometimes in the summer, he would tigger about and make everyone smile (most of the time). We went to Pennsylvania and he took me on a big scary roller coaster, that afterwords I loved. He got me out of a mental institution when no one else would claim me. Plus, hundreds more good memories.
He is my father, and I'm proud to have him as my Dad. And to my father, "Old man, look at my life, I'm a lot like you" and damn proud of it. You are my hero, no matter what others say. And I love you Daddy-O, no matter what.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
YAY!!! Birthday!!!
Yays!!! I'm now 22.... arg.... But, it was a great day and L was fantastic. He gave me great gifts, including a blanket, coupon for him to make me 6 vegetarian meals (I'm a vegetarian btw, have been for a few months now), a vegetarian magazine, and a nice comfy soft throw blanket for watching tv. Also, tickets to go see Tim Minchin. For those of you who don't know who he is, and there's several people who don't, he's amazing. He's a comedian but plays the piano and sings. Ummm... hard to explain. Its worth looking into his stuff, he's awesome. Tomorrow, since we couldn't fit it in today with the show, we're going to this coffee house that serves good veggie food. Its also a place L and me would go to a lot a long time ago. Pretty cheap, but its what I want. L was incredible all day. Spoiled me quite a bit. I don't really want my bday to end, but its about time it did sadly.
As for other stuff, I have a puppy. It was a roommates but roomie ran into a bit of issues. Don't expect him back sad to say. Puppy's cute, little tiny thing with the cutest eyebrows I've ever seen. I'll have to take pics sometime soon and post them on here. His name's Gizmo. Though thinking about changing it to Minion. He looks like a minion and follows you everywhere. He's sooo little though and its Colorado, we're known for cold snowy winters, so he has to wear a sweater and booties when he goes outside. So yays!!! I get to dress him up. For Halloween, plus most of the time, I got him a fleece jacket with skull and crossbones on it. He's sooo incredibly cute!!!
The time has come and the birthday is done. Time to sleep and wake up in a couple hours to get the puppy snipped. Sadly, Gizmo isn't fixed. Was originally a stray that was laying out on the front yard. So gotta take care of that tomorrow. Byes for now!!!
As for other stuff, I have a puppy. It was a roommates but roomie ran into a bit of issues. Don't expect him back sad to say. Puppy's cute, little tiny thing with the cutest eyebrows I've ever seen. I'll have to take pics sometime soon and post them on here. His name's Gizmo. Though thinking about changing it to Minion. He looks like a minion and follows you everywhere. He's sooo little though and its Colorado, we're known for cold snowy winters, so he has to wear a sweater and booties when he goes outside. So yays!!! I get to dress him up. For Halloween, plus most of the time, I got him a fleece jacket with skull and crossbones on it. He's sooo incredibly cute!!!
The time has come and the birthday is done. Time to sleep and wake up in a couple hours to get the puppy snipped. Sadly, Gizmo isn't fixed. Was originally a stray that was laying out on the front yard. So gotta take care of that tomorrow. Byes for now!!!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Another Same Day After Another
So here I am again. Finally shut off the cable all together. I still have internet, couldn't live to see that leave my life. To keep my days full when I'm sick of being on the computer, I have gotten Netflix and Gamefly. Both are worth the price.
L and me are thinking of moving to Portland sometime in February. Been in Colorado for much too long now, coming up on 4 yrs. I don't live in the same place for all that long. Never have and hopefully never will. Portland, I feel, would be wonderful for me. Get out of my current profession, work on going to college, hippie central (anyone who truly knows me, will know how important this is to me), and somewhere new to discover. Plus, L is dying is to go back home. He's not from Portland, but is from Oregon.
I won't ever move back to West Virginia/Virginia. It's a nice place to visit, maybe. I would only visit to see family and friends. But truthfully, both are dreadfully boring. Washington DC is interesting, but worth a visit again. When L speaks of Oregon, he has these places he wants to go to again. The forests, big giant trees that you can't hardly see the tops while standing. The ocean tides clashing against the rocks. The restaurants that he speaks so fondly of. Everything. But for me, I can't find one single thing other than family and friends that would bring me back there. Not one that I speak fondly of. Five Guys? Denver has them. The beach? Only went once and I was 5 and was horribly sunburnt. The forests? Bah, did I ever go? Restaurants? The only one I truly loved got shut down and turned into a Christmas store. I won't move back, unless my fathers health goes downhill.
Other than that, been thinking about all the rest of my family again. Always do. Keep thinking about what I would say to my bitch of a mother if I ever saw her again, what would happen if I met my brother again, my stepmom who I miss dearly, my uncle and aunt who stopped talking to me and choice to pick my mothers side (understandably). Little things like these and all the errors of the past, all the things that has happened many years ago, tend to keep me awake at night. I always wonder what would've happened if I had done things differently.
Tonight, I was bored. Still am, hints why I'm writing at all. I went reading blogs again. The stepmom seems to be doing a bit better than the last time I read some of her posts. I know its strange to call her a stepmom since I know she never married my father, and they have broken up and have been for awhile now. But if I could pick another mother, I would pick her. There was a time where yeah it was hell and I was being called a lying monster and various other things by her, but long time ago and we seem a bit better now. And ummm.... being called lying monster that deserves to burn in hell (spoken out of anger) or a biological real mom you've known your whole life turns to you one day and says she doesn't love you anymore and that she wants to disown you. I'll pick the lying monster argument than utter heartbreaking news that your own mother has given up on you anyday.
And speaking of moms in the wrong, read her blog tonight as well. Apparently she has "Fibromyalgia". I had a roommate once that has it, she didn't deserve it. Saw the pain she was in almost everyday. It looks like hell. Even though my former roommate didn't deserve it, I would say that yeah Mommy Dearest deserves it, and with no advils or pain meds at all to help. Earlier today she posted, talking about the illness. This is a bit that caught my attention:
"...but if I keep "pretending" that it's not there, maybe this illness will go the hell away. Hey, it's worked for all the other pests in my life, why shouldn't it work for this one."
I know her well enough to know that shes making a dig at my father and myself. I believe I've even mentioned somewhere that having a mother "pretend" your not alive sucks. She has pretended both my father and me to not be around and we don't mess with her at all. Maybe I should change that? Whats keeping me back? I know it would only pester her life, and whats wrong with that? Plus, isn't that what "pest" do?
As for the rest of the night, lets see, its now close to 7am. I should try to get some sleep. Goodnight.
L and me are thinking of moving to Portland sometime in February. Been in Colorado for much too long now, coming up on 4 yrs. I don't live in the same place for all that long. Never have and hopefully never will. Portland, I feel, would be wonderful for me. Get out of my current profession, work on going to college, hippie central (anyone who truly knows me, will know how important this is to me), and somewhere new to discover. Plus, L is dying is to go back home. He's not from Portland, but is from Oregon.
I won't ever move back to West Virginia/Virginia. It's a nice place to visit, maybe. I would only visit to see family and friends. But truthfully, both are dreadfully boring. Washington DC is interesting, but worth a visit again. When L speaks of Oregon, he has these places he wants to go to again. The forests, big giant trees that you can't hardly see the tops while standing. The ocean tides clashing against the rocks. The restaurants that he speaks so fondly of. Everything. But for me, I can't find one single thing other than family and friends that would bring me back there. Not one that I speak fondly of. Five Guys? Denver has them. The beach? Only went once and I was 5 and was horribly sunburnt. The forests? Bah, did I ever go? Restaurants? The only one I truly loved got shut down and turned into a Christmas store. I won't move back, unless my fathers health goes downhill.
Other than that, been thinking about all the rest of my family again. Always do. Keep thinking about what I would say to my bitch of a mother if I ever saw her again, what would happen if I met my brother again, my stepmom who I miss dearly, my uncle and aunt who stopped talking to me and choice to pick my mothers side (understandably). Little things like these and all the errors of the past, all the things that has happened many years ago, tend to keep me awake at night. I always wonder what would've happened if I had done things differently.
Tonight, I was bored. Still am, hints why I'm writing at all. I went reading blogs again. The stepmom seems to be doing a bit better than the last time I read some of her posts. I know its strange to call her a stepmom since I know she never married my father, and they have broken up and have been for awhile now. But if I could pick another mother, I would pick her. There was a time where yeah it was hell and I was being called a lying monster and various other things by her, but long time ago and we seem a bit better now. And ummm.... being called lying monster that deserves to burn in hell (spoken out of anger) or a biological real mom you've known your whole life turns to you one day and says she doesn't love you anymore and that she wants to disown you. I'll pick the lying monster argument than utter heartbreaking news that your own mother has given up on you anyday.
And speaking of moms in the wrong, read her blog tonight as well. Apparently she has "Fibromyalgia". I had a roommate once that has it, she didn't deserve it. Saw the pain she was in almost everyday. It looks like hell. Even though my former roommate didn't deserve it, I would say that yeah Mommy Dearest deserves it, and with no advils or pain meds at all to help. Earlier today she posted, talking about the illness. This is a bit that caught my attention:
"...but if I keep "pretending" that it's not there, maybe this illness will go the hell away. Hey, it's worked for all the other pests in my life, why shouldn't it work for this one."
I know her well enough to know that shes making a dig at my father and myself. I believe I've even mentioned somewhere that having a mother "pretend" your not alive sucks. She has pretended both my father and me to not be around and we don't mess with her at all. Maybe I should change that? Whats keeping me back? I know it would only pester her life, and whats wrong with that? Plus, isn't that what "pest" do?
As for the rest of the night, lets see, its now close to 7am. I should try to get some sleep. Goodnight.
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